me during classes
- "that’s racist"
- "that’s sexist"
- "there are more than two genders"
- "ok but could we maybe not use that word"
- "that’s ableist"
- "there aren’t enough girls in here"
I saw this quote on Tumblr and I think it about sums up how I feel when people say “Asians / Asian men are unattractive”
That is: You thinking i’m not attractive, is not going to stop me from being attractive.
So this ask actually hits real close to home because I’ve dealt with this shit for pretty much my entire life.
White beauty standards are fucking gross.
But I think what’s worse is as POC, we not only have to measure up to white beauty standards but we have the added bonus of racial caricatures. That shit fucked me up real bad.
This meant (to name a few):
- Looking at every photo and thinking my eyes were too small and hating them cause some fuckers decided to tell me to open my eyes as wide as possible and then laughed and said, “Wow that’s the biggest they’ll go?” (I know realize that my eyes are actually pretty big so idk what them fuckers were talking about. And like small eyes aren’t ugly???? They cute.)
- Growing up thinking, “Fuck. My monolids.” As well as STRUGGLING REAL HARD to apply eye make up cause like ???? there are no good tutorials for that shit?
- Thinking I couldn’t dye my hair certain colors cause it would look tacky.
- Thinking I was too short.
- Thinking my deep brown eyes were boring and ugly.
- Thinking I wasn’t “pretty enough” for an Asian (and later on with the fucking rise of kpop, Korean) girl.
- Thinking being called “pretty for an Asian chick” was a compliment.
- Wishing I was white.
Like w o w. I was on some other level self-hate. But I mean…it happens. Here are some things that may help:
- Accept every compliment you receive. Do not try to deny it, even if if you don’t believe it. Then, repeat the words back to yourself. Let them sink in. Soak in the positivity.
- Every time you feel ugly, dissect that shit. Ask yourself why you feel ugly and where that’s coming from. 100% of the time, it’s nonsense. But unless you actually spell it out for yourself, those thoughts will take over. Cut them up and leave them out to dry before they drain you. Do not give them power.
- For each negative thought you have about your appearance, think of at least two to counter it. If you can’t think of any, ask your friends.
- Take selfies. LOTS and LOTS of selfies. Do not delete them.
- Make yourself look at your face and body. Check yourself out. Do a little dance in the mirror. Make funny faces. Get used to seeing your reflection. Trust me, it helps.
- Compliment yourself.
- If you feel that you can’t call yourself beautiful yet, repeat this mantra: “I am not ugly.” One day, you will truly believe it. It took me 20 years but it happened. I still have down days and I don’t quite think I’m pretty but I don’t think I’m ugly. And that, in and of itself, is huge.
- Give yourself a break. Purging beauty standard BS out of your mind takes time and you’re not gonna think you’re not ugly overnight. I mean it’d be fucking great if that were possible but…realistically, that shit is not gonna happen. So don’t beat yourself up for not “progressing fast enough”. It’s okay. You’ll get there.
- Recognize that white beauty standards are another form of oppression. Recognize that you will never be white. I know that this seems like a “duh.” kind of thing but repeat that several times and let it really sink in.
- Recognize that racial stereotypes/caricatures do not define you.
- Recognize that you’re not here for anyone. And by that, I mean: It’s not your job to be “pretty” or “beautiful” for anyone but yourself. Once you kinda accept this, you start to care less.
I feel like I rambled but I really hope this somewhat helps, anon. I know it’s not easy and while I’m a lot better than I was, I still have a lot of off days/moments. I wish you the best of luck and I hope one day you will believe me when I say, “You are beautiful.”